Some time ago I saw a story about a well known family. A family with a lot of kids, you’ve probably heard of them….The Duggars. This post isn’t about them or the amount of children they have, instead it stems from a comment underneath an article I read. This commenter knowing nothing of the family personally decided to make a very personal comment about the family, the young engaged girl in particular. She said the dad of the family brainwashed all his children and his wife. She went on to talk about gender roles and one of their young daughters making a decisions to not have sexual interaction before marriage. Other commenters made crude comments about her sneaking to have sex behind dads back, calling her derogatory sexual names, and demeaning her character saying she was a fraud, whore, and brainwashed. This stuck in my head and in my heart and recently came back to mind when I saw a post made in a group I’m in on Facebook. It was a friend of a mom concerned about what her fourth grade student is learning at a state school for military personnel’s kids. In the name of teaching fourth grade children (9 or 10 year olds) not to bully is a picture of a kid on the computer in a cyber chat group. The caption reads, “A person is denigrated, when someone sends or posts cruel gossip or rumors to damage his or her reputation or friendships.” The example underneath this reads, “Marcia likes Rick, but Rick has a crush on Sue. Because she is jealous she wants to make Sue look bad, Marcia goes to a chat room that other students use and tells lies about how Sue is having sex with many different guys.” It seems even 9 and 10 year olds should know better than to “bully” in a chat group, blog, article post, what have you, but the point I want to drive home is about brainwashing. I’m going to assume based on the comments the commentator made that she was not homeschooled, not taught traditional gender roles, and taught about sex at a younger age. You can agree or disagree with this assumption, but the distinctions have been drawn based on her comments. In the above statement we have two different groups of people. One was homeschooled, raised with Christian values, and probably was taught about sex as it was relevant for her life. One was -probably- public schooled, told about sex as a 9-10 year old (or younger), and may or may not have grown up with religious guidance at home. One is labeled “brainwashed” while the other “open minded.” I don’t like labels, however, and I would propose both groups are brainwashed, thus the title of my post. Both groups are brainwashed to believe certain things. So I want to break those down a little bit to compare and contrast the two. I’ll label them Group A and Group B for sake of argument. Group A is homeschooled while Group B is public schooled. I’m also going to lean heavily on my personal experiences with both homeschool and public school kids (as I have experienced private, homeschool, and public school I can speak through experience). I want to focus on social issues in my contrasts:
Group A learns: Sex within the confines of a monogamous relationship (marriage) is instituted by God is a beautiful thing to share with a life long partner.
Group B learns: Sex is good as long as it is safe sex with a condom and proper birth control. Multiple partners are o.k. and anything goes as long as it’s “consensual.”
Group A also learns: About sex as it becomes relevant to his/her life. He/she is taught basic biology about hormones, puberty, and life changes before puberty, taught about boundaries in the dating years, and given information as questions arise in teenage/adult years. They are typically taught that sex should be within the confines of marriage and between one man and one woman.
Group B also learns: About sex at the age of 9-10 years old. He/she is taught everything that group A was taught at puberty and then some. They are also given instructions to see a doctor for condoms and birth control, can have an abortion without parental knowledge, and taught anything goes (bondage, bruises, multiple partners, different ages, etc. etc.) as long as it’s “consensual.” They’ve probably even seen pictures (cartoon illustrations that look very “real”) of various sexual acts to include masturbation.
Group A learns: Dating is for the purpose of finding a life long partner, so dating is for older teens/young adults.
Group B learns: Dating is to satisfy ones need to be loved and accepted, so dating is for every pubescent with raging hormones.
Group A learns: Typically traditional gender roles in this group as the mom stays home and home schools. The dad is generally the primary income earner. Mom typically will make dinner and the family will eat together. Both the mom and the dad help in household chores.
Group B learns: Mom and dad typically both work, or there is only a mom OR a dad who provide income. Dinner is generally a get it where you can deal and it’s not eaten around a table with the family. Mom or dad might pick something up after work and bring it home. Both mom and dad help with household chores.
Group A: Probably wouldn’t see any material on bullying. He would, however, most likely be taught some sort of religion course. This course would teach respect for all people.
Group B: At a young age would be taught that “bullying” is wrong and what bullying would entail. The example above is proof pretty explicit examples are given.
I could go on and on, but I hope you have noticed a trend in my comparisons between Group A and Group B. If not I’ll quickly explain the trend. Group A is being guided and learning boundaries, while Group B is being taught there are no boundaries–unless it hurts other people of course. Basically we can boil it down to happiness. Group A is taught that some things that make us feel happy are actually dangerous for us. It is temporary satisfaction, but not long term. Group B is taught that all things that make us happy are good. Live in the moment. It does not occur to Group B, or those teaching Group B, that many things that bring temporary “happiness” are indeed dangerous (drugs, theft, venting anger, sex, and I could go on). In some cases, however, this statement is wrong. Those teaching Group B realize that what a teenager might do to bring herself/himself happiness can endanger the child. Now the rules come in. Rule after rule after rule. Example after example of the “do’s” and “do nots.” For example let’s take sex, Group A teaches sex within marriage, while Group B does not. So what rules then must be applied? Well, in Group A if both parties had been pure before marriage there would be no dangers in them coming together and enjoying sex, thus the only rule is to wait for marriage. Group B teaches sex will bring happiness, so do it when it feels right–but be safe. Well what is safe? So now we have to educate with rules. Side note here, now more time gets taken away from the REAL reasons kids are in school–math, science, english, history– and is given to sex education. What are the rules? Condoms are safe, birth control is to be used not to get pregnant, how to put on a condom, sexual illustrations, etc., etc.. Then we have to go further and discuss different fetishes. If you have more than one partner the chances are that fetishes will need to come into play in order to satisfy a person whose had many sexual encounters. So we have to educate on that too.
This “education” as described above becomes a convoluted mess and guess who gets to teach the rules….. Planned Parenthood, Doctors, and School Educators. Why? Because the parents either don’t give a darn or the parents “just don’t understand.” After all parents are mindless idiots these days and should have nothing to do with the upbringing of their children (that’s the governments job after all). Anyway, back to who gets to teach this nonsense. Would you like to know what Planned Parenthood considers normal? Check out this video: http://youtu.be/u7oeSAOZwdk . Apparently it’s o.k. to pimp out 14 year old girls, have abortion without parental consent, and get bruises, burns, and whip marks from sex. The “educators” are who I would actually like to question in all of this. It’s like a game to them to see what type of perversions they can expose young children to before some goody two shoes kid tattles on them. Since when is it o.k. for adults to talk with children about such things, and do it all in the name of “sex education?” In their perverted minds they must get a kick out of telling children what is “normal” in sex. Again, all in the name of education. The fact remains, however, that sex doesn’t NEED to be explained. Dogs do it. Bugs do it. Most animals do it. It doesn’t take ANY amount of explanation when two young people get together and start touching sensually. So why do these educators feel the need to describe IN DETAIL the act, the norms, the taboos? They are perverts and they should actually be put in jail for the things they say to minors. But this is slightly off topic. The point is Group A may be brainwashed, but they aren’t in jeopardy of STD’s, STI’s, or multiple heart breaks. Group B is also brainwashed to believe anything goes and ARE in jeopardy of STD’s, STI’s, and multiple heart breaks. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to be brainwashed I would at least like to be in the “safer” group without all the rules!
So, what happens to Group B you ask? Hurt, shame, and confusion. They are hurt time and time again and do you know what they do then? Well they go into a chatroom and they try to hurt. They want to inflict the pain that they feel on other people. They have learned that things that were supposed to be right have hurt them deeply. They have also been stripped of the happiness that comes with personal exploration within known boundaries. These are CHILDREN and are frankly being told EVERYTHING there is to possibly know about sex by teachers, when they should be asking their parents as curiosity arises. Instead of giggling with friends about sex in innocence and wonder. All of the mystery is gone in sex between hearing sex education and viewing Internet porn. No wonder these kids are frustrated! They are being given adult responsibilities without the mental faculties to handle them. They are being given the o.k. to become sexually active before their parents are aware to guide and to help, and they are being given condoms without understanding the full consequence of getting pregnant. How could they understand caring for another person, they haven’t even been in the “real world” to care for themselves! So the next “solution” is obviously abortion. They are being given solutions instead of boundaries, and this is where public sex education is failing miserably!
Let’s talk about boundaries. You take a child and you tell that child they can’t touch your television. If they touch the television they suffer the consequences. They learn not to touch the television or suffer the consequence. They go to a friends house and you know what they leave the television alone. You take another child and you put a gate in front of the television. When you take the gate down what do they do? They touch the T.V.. So you put the gate back up. When they go to someone else’s house and there is no gate what do they do? You guessed it, they touch the T.V.. They’ve never learned boundaries! Just like our teens in public schools. Educators give them gates. They give them condoms, they give them curiosity, they give them abortions if they mess up, but what they never give them are boundaries. So these kids grow up, graduate from college, and are lost. There are no more gates, so they have no moral compass.They are no longer given free condoms and free birth control (well pre Obamacare I guess). They’ve been with multiple people, had multiple heart breaks, and they STILL have no idea what true happiness is. True happiness comes with flourishing within boundaries. It makes us feel safer and more secure, it provides stability! Thus the reason we make laws within communities, states, and nation. Boundaries given in regards to sex also teach us something else called respect for other people. People are not objects we “use” to find or obtain happiness. We as a people seem to flourish when we make others happy. When we can please others. This is why some of the most fulfilling sexual relationships are IN marriage. There is stability and there is also a learning process. It isn’t a one night stand which could leave a person satisfied or not (really hit or miss).
So Group A has caught up with Group B in adulthood. Both groups have experienced sex and learned all there is to know. Which group is most fulfilled? You decide, but my guess is Group A. What do I believe becomes of Group B? They become sex educators. They make comments about a young girl that she is brainwashed and go on to spew out the most vile sexual slangs I’ve ever heard. Why? Just like above, they’ve been hurt and they want to corrupt everyone else’s mind as well. Just like the kid in the example spewing lies in a chat group to hurt other people, these adults were never taught guidelines and although they knew it was “bullying” in high school they aren’t in high school any more. So because it somehow bothers them that this young girl found happiness with ONE partner they get to call her a whore and a brainwashed _________. Meanwhile have they not stopped to think whose really the whore? Merriam Websters Dictionary defines a whore as, “a promiscuous or immoral woman” What is promiscuous, “having or involving many sexual partners” Hmm… whose really the whore here? But according to sex education in high school having “many” sexual partners is o.k., so these kids must not really even know the definition for “whore” or “promiscuous.” Whose being brainwashed here? Well, we all are but I’d rather my kids not be in the whore camp. Although I’m sure that definition will soon be changing as well to make these kids feel better about themselves. Honestly, I don’t know whose more “sheltered” public school kids or homeschooled kids.
***Point of clarification–I’m in no way calling public school kids whores and saying homeschoolers are innocent. I know this isn’t true from personal observations. I’m drawing generalizations about majorities, not the exceptions to the rule. Parental involvement is KEY to helping kids in any school system thrive (public, homeschool, or private). Although I used “homeschool” and “public school” I am not saying one is 100% right and one is 100% wrong. Parental involvement in either system can and will change the outcomes for these kids. Parents need to be involved! Don’t let the school system raise your kids. If you see things coming home that you don’t agree with stand up for your kids. Kids need you as a parent, and they need to get their world view from you. Not a system.